How To Keep Kids in Their Own Beds

In this week's installment of "How To Tuesday," we tackle a problem many parents face: keeping children in their own bed at night. Thomas Hobson, a father of two and director of Le Bonheur's Child Life department, shares some helpful tips for you sleep-deprived parents. Here's what he had to say:

When your child is first born, everyone expects not to get any sleep. That just comes with the territory, and you learn to sleep when you can. After a while, something magical happens, and your child begins to sleep through the night. It is definitely something to be celebrated.

As your child grows, you continue to celebrate milestones, like crawling out of his or her crib. It's time for the "big kid" bed. After a little time, something not-so-magical happens: night visitors.

Here's the good news: this is a completely normal behavior for children. You are their world; they now have the ability to move around. Why wouldn't they want to get out of bed? It is easy to feel flattered at first; your child wants to get into your bed and sleep right next to you. Who wouldn't be honored? After you've been woken up lots of times, had a little knee in your back, and not slept well in general, your child's new freedom of movement seems less like a gift and more like a curse. Have no fear, there are things that you can do to help with this behavior.

Keep in mind, it's a behavior: No, your child is not out to make sure that you never have a restful night sleep again. It is simply a new behavior they've developed, and just like any behavior your child should/could/does develop, you have the ability to shape it. Being woken up at 1:37 a.m. every night can wear on you, and after a while, the loving, supportive parent face starts to resemble the agitated, woken hibernating bear face. Your reaction has the opportunity to reinforce the behavior, for good and bad.

It's business time: When your child wakes you up in the middle of the night, make the interaction about meeting a need and nothing more. If they have growing pains and their joints hurt, give them the appropriate medicine and put them back in their own bed. If they're just lonely, pick them up and put them back into their own bed. The trick is to only do what has to be done (i.e. medicine, reassurance), and then put them back into their own bed. When you provide any positive reinforcement (i.e. letting them sleep with you, playing, being the sweet, loving, concerned parent), it tells the child to keep up the behavior. Provide the necessary interaction and nothing more. This step is harder than it sounds.

Find out why it's happening: Asking your child "why" seems like such an obvious step, but often it doesn't happen. Ask your child why they are coming into your room and listen to the answer. If your child says he doesn't like his room, that's a legitimate answer. So, if you got that answer, look at your patterns and behaviors. Does your child only sleep in the room or do they do other things in the room? Is it truly his room or is it your room that you tell them to sleep in? Once you realize the root cause you can begin to change things.

Have a pre-bed game plan: Planning ahead can make all of the difference between a good night's sleep and another exhausted morning, filled with your frustrations. If you see a pattern appear, have a plan for it. For instance, there was a period when my children were "night visitors" because of bad dreams. My wife and I pulled a page from my parent's playbook, and doused our children with "monster repellent" (a.k.a. cheap cologne/perfume). The kids saw it as something physical that reminded them that there were no monsters/bad dreams, and as a result, woke up less in the night.

Don't cheat: Even one night of "weakness" reinforces to your child that sleeping with you is an option. Our actions speak louder than our words, and the one act of letting your child sleep with you can undo lots of previous work. Consistence, consistence, consistence.